As I am both woefully behind in my posting and feeling a bit too scattered to write anything coherent, I'm going to make this update easy on all of us by breaking the latest down by category. Et voila! Easily-digestable blogbites, fully of snarky goodness!
Disclaimer: Do NOT proceed if you're feeling fragile. What follows is an honest assessment of some of the negatives of being pg post IF. It is most definitely something I would NOT have enjoyed reading a few months ago. Hell, I'm not sure I'd enjoy reading it now. But it's what I'm feeling...
Body: Let's put it this way, I've spent the last few weekends doing my part to make my fellow bridesmaids and wedding guests feel svelte. I'm a fucking boat, people.... HMS Limbo. And don't give me that "You're pregnant, not fat!" BS because I know damn well that I look like I'm gestating a hippo. Frankly I'm shocked to be hating my shape so much. I killed myself for years to try to get pg. Shouldn't I be reveling in this new look? Easier said than done. While I'm thrilled and grateful to be where I am, I guess I'm also realizing that old body issues die hard. I hated my body before I even tried to get pregnant. I really loathed my body when it proved incapable of getting knocked up/carrying a pg to term/producing decent quality eggs for over two years. And now I dispise my body for looking overly pregnant. The poor thing just can't win. I also don't like the fact that now that I'm showing, my reproductive status has become public knowledge. I'm still not comfortable talking about being pregnant with my close friends and family, let alone random assholes who think it's perfectly acceptable to fondle my stomach and or quiz me on my birth plan. (In case you're wondering, there isn't one.)
Placenta previa: Seems to have resolved itself. Last ultrasound tech saw no evidence of it and the bleeding has stopped.
Random weirdness: My right thigh has been completely numb for going on 11 wks now, most likely due to nerve compression. Freaky deaky.
Cletus the fetus: That's what I'm calling the being currently occupying my uterus. The "Baby" just seems too presumptive.
Amnio a no go: After nothing came up at the 20 wk ultrasound, we decided against the amnio. I'm still worried about the quad screen results (which showed slightly elevated risk for neural tube defects), but with my increased risk of mc due to the septum stump, we just couldn't take the chance. Plus, after 2 ivfs, 2 surgeries, and 2 d and c's, I'll do anything to avoid another needle.
Real Life Infertile Friend: Her water broke at just 17 wks, taking with it the majority of her amniotic fluid. So far, tho, the baby is ok and a bit of the fluid has regenerated. It's a miracle that she hasn't miscarried by now. She's on bedrest indefinitely. I'm so worried about her but she seems to have the best possible attitude one could muster in this situation. Needless to say, her experience has been a wake up call chez Limbo. It's not like I was busy putting together the nursery or anything. But I'm not going to exhale any time soon. Very selfishly RLIF's story gives me ammo to use when dippy friends say things like, "I just know everything is going to be fine! Why aren't you more positive!? You're PREGNANT!" Ack.
Why I love the Dixie Chicks: Exhibits A and B.
(Ok, yeah it's a little strange to hear two women who have a gaggle of children btwn them discussing infertility. But at least they're admitting that they struggled to get pregnant and that they wouldn't be where they are without IVF. How many other celebrities are willing to go there? Ahem. Julia. Cough. Roberts.)
Thank you: For checking on me!!
It's been so long since I've posted that there must be something I'm forgetting. Please alert me if there's any situation I've failed to update you on.
I'm totally with you on the Dixie Chicks. The first comment on their Celebrity Baby Blog story? Me.
Glad to hear that Cletus is doing well, despite your body being a pain in the ass. Well done to your uterus for me.
Posted by: Molly | June 13, 2006 at 10:39 PM
You stole that Cletus the Fetus from me as that's what I guessed Dooneybug nicknamed Junebug! Man! Is nothing sacred? So, yeah, I like it. It's rather catchy.
I want the meme. MEME, MEME, MEME!
Actually I'm glad you updated especially knowing that the placenta is staying where it should. I wouldn't even mind if you updated to let us know how many slices of bread were left or that you've wiped away that spiderweb in the corner for the 8th time and it keeps. coming. back.
Posted by: DD | June 14, 2006 at 10:26 AM
I can't believe your friend is still doing okay- I guess I thought it was all over when your water breaks. I hope she can make it as long as possible and that the baby has a fighting chance.
No wonder you are freaked- hell, I'm freaked and I'm not pregnant and don't even know her.
I know what you mean re: body issues and being pregnant. I gained 50 pounds with my son and by the end outgrew my maternity clothes and had to beg, borrow and steal tent dresses from co-workers who'd be recently pregnant. Its one thing to have the cute little bulge- its another to just feel huge all over- face, arms, thighs, etc. And when you're IVF or high-risk, no exercise is allowed so you just get bigger and bigger and bigger.
I'm with DD- just let us know if your still here once or week or so, okay? Otherwise, we have to worry.
Posted by: Leggy | June 14, 2006 at 11:45 AM
I don't mind looking pregnant (actually I like it) but the look of horror on people's faces when I tell them I still have two months to go I could do without. And I STILL don't like when people feel like it's ok to talk about my pregnancy when I don't even know them. It's just weird. And I still catch myself holding back an "if they survive" comment.
Posted by: Jenn | June 14, 2006 at 11:59 AM
congratulations on getting this far, it really is amazing. And don't feel bad about moaning about your body. I totally know about being at war with your body. I'm sure if I ever get pregnant I'll feel the same way.
Keeping it all crossed for you.
Posted by: thalia | June 14, 2006 at 01:56 PM
I'm so glad you updated and are okay! I'm still just thrilled that you're pg! I hated my body when I was pg- had small bump, but big bum. So that was just great. Take pictures anyway - you can always not look at them, but you can't go back and take them. I wish I had taken more, even though I didn't like the way the way I looked. I never stopped worrying, and found that now that he's here, I still worry, although not a nervous wreck - too exhausting & lack of sleep is exhausting enough. Best wishes to you and please keep us posted. All bits dutifully crossed!
Posted by: Anna | June 16, 2006 at 02:14 PM
Dear MM, it's good to hear from you! I'm glad everything seems to be progressing so well. Long, long may it continue!
Posted by: Kath | June 17, 2006 at 06:42 AM
Go Cletus! So excited for you that all is well thus far (it's hard to knock that disclaimer, I know). I know what you mean about having some mixed feelings or feeling less than what you would have expected. That's normal, I"m sure. At least I felt that way too (and, of course, I am a paragon of normalcy). You are really far along - how wonderful. Hope it all continues along smoothly.
Posted by: elle | June 17, 2006 at 06:42 PM
I am really hoping to avoid that amnio needle too. Really, really hoping. I know what you mean about random people knowing you're pregnant- they don't know the real story.
Posted by: fisher queen | June 20, 2006 at 08:20 AM
Good to see an update!
I like the line about her shock at the "easy way" comment. Right. IVF is the easiest way I can think of.
I'm not usually a big fan of celeb gossip, but I'm all for anyone raising awareness of the "easy way" to parenthood.
PS there is not rule that says you have to love pregnancy just because you tried so hard to get that way. Not all women enjoy being pregnant.
Posted by: beagle | June 22, 2006 at 02:36 PM