Real

I was thinking about Infertile Bloglandia (IB) this morning, as I am wont to do in those first few hours of every day before the chaos begins.... and I had one of those thoughts that gives you that weird Twilight Zone feeling deep in the pit of your stomach:

What if IB exists only in my head?

Seriously.

Let's review. 1) I come from a long line of crazies. 2) I discovered my beloved IB while researching miscarriages and fucked up uteruses (uteri?). At which time I was more than a little devastated and DESPERATE for someone, anyone to talk to about treatment and how it feels to be pregnant one day and so not pregnant the next. When I happened upon the lovely and talented Brooklyngirl, I'd never even read a blog. But here was this woman who was going through a somewhat similar struggle! And she could really write, dammit. I quickly read every single one of her posts and when there more no more archives to devour, I would sit by my computer willing her to make more. I remember her first positive beta saga as if it were my own.  I soon discovered that I wasn't the only one who thought BG rocked. In fact, BG had many like minded friends (as evidenced by her brilliantly edited blogroll) and they, too, knew their way around a sentence. 3)  After a few months of obsessively following the exploits of my fellow infertiles, I started my own blog and quickly became intoxicated  with the giving and receiving (mostly the receiving) of comments. You people, kind hearted souls that you are, humored my every narcissistic, self obsessed tendency.  You laughed at my bad jokes, scraped me off the bathroom floor after every negative, misdiagnosis and jaw dropping display of negligence... and there were SO many, (RE #2: "You're right, MM. The lab WAS supposed to do ICSI. Maybe that's why only one of your eggs fertilized. Hmmmmm.... Weird.") and backed me up when I fumed about the asshattery infertiles have to contend with on a daily basis. The more you and I interacted, the stronger and smarter I became. One might even say that you were the... hold on while I throw up... wind beneath my wings.

I don't know. Sometimes this all seems too good to be true. I mean, come on. In my darkest hour I discover that I have insanely funny, eloquent friends in the computer?? I know Mr Limbo thought I had gone all Beautiful Mind on him when I started talking about how I'd been emailing with one of my blog friends.

Well if adoring people whom I've never met is wrong, I don't wanna be right... or sane.

***
In other news, LL is doing SO well with the new formula and prevacid. (Knock on wood!!!).  But now that the silent reflux is finally getting better, we're on to a new problem... LL's tea*r ducts still appear to be as blocked as Bill Clinton's arteries were a few years ago. So we're off to the eye doctor next week. I'm really worried that LL is going to have to have surgery to open those suckers up.  For an otherwise very healthy child, the poor boy has seen so many specialists!

*The physical therapist for the shoulder injury he incurred on his way out of his 40 week sublet.
*The laser doctor for the tiny hemangioma on his lip. We go every three weeks or so. (No, you didn't miss that post. I haven't blogged about the hemangioma... but I probably will. Not that there's much to say...)
*The ENT for the silent reflux.
*And now the eye doctor.

You'd think that the 3 years I spent trying to bring LL into this world would have prepared me for dealing with all of these medical types. Not so much...

 

I signed up for a new mother's seminar tomorrow. I'm still debating whether or not I'll actually motivate to go. Won't all the babies be much younger than LL (who is about 5.5 mos now)? Won't all the other mothers be totally clueless on how difficult it can be to conceive and carry a child to term? Won't they think less of me if I show up in my pink flannel pjs? Stay tuned.

Comments

[DD]

I come from a similar line of crazies. Maybe we're related.

I'm not thankful for why I'm here, but I'm thankful for what I have found.

X had a hemangioma on his buttock that we watched. Funny how I thought it would never go away and thinking about it makes me realize I don't recall when it disappeared.

[T]

Blocked tearduct here, hydronephrosis of the (duplex) kidney and two months of cold/cough/bronchiolitis/ear infections (they jump from ear to ear!) - I hate doctors. I hate taking her much, much more.

[T]

Whoops! and glad LL's doing well and good luck.

[beagle]

I'm here via DD, somehow I lost you for a while . . . glad you're still writing and that LL is doing well (despite?) the specialists!

I have a new (adoption) blog . . . I'd love to send you an invite, e-mail me at beagleblogger at gmail dot com

[Sunglasses]

This is my first visit to your blog n i liked the way u discuss things is really impressive. I will be a regular reader from now on.