The gory details

Forgive the stream of consciousness and the grossness of this birth story. But I'll never tell it if I don't tell it now.

*Water broke at 3:30 am on Monday Oct 2nd as I was getting up to go to the bathroom. We'd just set up the crib that weekend, but Little Limbo's bathroom was unfinished. In fact, the shower is STILL not operational. Grrrrr.

*Contractions started immediately. I somehow got it in my head that the contractions were too close together and that if I didn't leave for the hospital right now that I would end up giving birth in a cab with only a Christmas tree scented air freshener to dull the pain. Finally decided to just throw on some clothes and go. We raced out of our building, me clutching my stomach and hyperventilating, Mr Limbo juggling two overnight bags and the pillow I insisted on bringing with me. Dumb comment from clueless night doorman, "Hey, enjoy your trip, guys!" And no, he wasn't kidding. He actually thought we were going on vacation.

*At the hospital... Several very painful internal exams later, I was confirmed to be in labor. Fast forward to the l and d room, where I demanded and got an epidural. Epi took away the pain but replaced it with an all over itchy feeling. Post epi, we hung out and got to know the l and d nurses. One was about 50 and seriously cool. The woman could tell my hyperactive husband to shut up in the most polite, kind way. One was about 12 and very sweet if inexperienced looking. Found out my doctor was off for Yom Kippor and that Old Greek Doctor whom I'd never met would be doing the delivering. Coupla hours passed. One more exam and was told I could start pushing, which shocked the hell out of me as could not feel a thing below my waist. Blah blah blah, push, push, push for an hour and a half or so... and then chaos. Little Limbo was stuck... with the cord around his neck. The room filled with doctors. 

*4th degree episiotomy.

*At some point—I'm not exactly sure when—my epidural catheter probably fell out. (We only realized this later... much later.)

*More pushing. Feeling like I was being slowly being ripped in half.

*He's out (1:34 pm). One of the thousands of doctors cuts the cord and hands Little Limbo off to another doctor, who promptly takes my baby into the adjoining room before I even lay eyes on him.

*I'm crying hysterically. Little Limbo is not. At all. I proceed to freak the fuck out, assuming that THIS was when I'd finally receive confirmation that the pregnancy would not end well. By now I realize that poor Mr Limbo is crying, too. But it turns out that he is crying for both his child and his wife. I am bleeding profusely. Old Greek doctor inserts his entire arm into me to try to force the uterus to contract. This is excruciating--much more so than pushing LL out. I'm screaming, screaming, screaming. The doctors give me tons of injections in various parts of my body but nothing works to calm me down, dull the physical pain or stop the bleeding. 

* Finally, I hear the faintest sound from LL and a nurse runs him over to me. Instead of that rush of maternal love I'd expected to feel, I'm terrified when I look at him. He has a rather bluish cast and he's barely making any noise and there's no time for me to hold him before he's brought down to the NICU. One of the pediatricians says something about a breathing problem and nerve damage to LL's shoulder, then assures me that my baby is going to be OK. I don't believe him and start screaming at Mr L to go with LL. I'm still bleeding, still screaming every time Old Greek doctor touches me, still terrified. The pain seems to get worse. Mr Limbo is now screaming at Old Greek doctor to stop hurting me and do something. The next thing I know, I'm in the operating room. The anesthesiologists are again pumping me full of something but they can't seem to stop the pain and Old Greek doctor is yelling at them to knock me out RIGHT NOW so that he can stop the bleeding. I immediately determine that being unconscious would be a good thing right now and start screaming, "Knock me out, Knock me out!" 

*Two hours later, I'm wheeled into recovery. I'm barely coherent and only have one thing on my mind when I come to. I constantly ask Mr Limbo if the baby is ok and tell him not to trust the doctors. I'm so drugged that my eyeballs are shaking. I'm visited by many doctors. Several hours later, the drugs start to wear off and I start calling myself firecrotch (the nickname that Brand0n Davi$ gave Lind$ay L0han), which I find hilarious. I'm given lots of morphine, which turns out to be a good thing in the short term, a very bad thing in the long term (but I'll get to that part later).

*I send Mr Limbo down to the NICU with my camera phone for regular updates on Little Limbo, who is hooked up to wires and machines but seems to actually be ok. I won't see him in person for two more days. (I can't stand up long enough to get in a wheelchair and he can't leave the NICU.) This absolutely kills me. 

*At 11:30pm, I'm finally allowed to leave the recovery room.

*The next day, find out that I lost half of my blood supply and the part about the epidural catheter falling out... which explains the crazy pain I felt during the aftermath of the delivery. Also find out that Old Greek doctor thought scar tissue left over from my septum was to blame for the hemorrhage. Dr. TV doesn't agree with this assessment (still need to ask her why during my follow up). I get two more transfusions and continue taking a lot of pain killers.

*Several pediatricians declare LL to be fine. His breathing has improved and his shoulder appears to be Ok. We spring him from the NICU and keep him with us during the day, but send him to the nursery at night.

*We are finally discharged on Friday. I spend the weekend holding LL, thanking God that he is Ok and sobbing (bc I'm still so weak that I can barely hold my head up, let alone take care of him like I'd like to. We try—and try—to breast feed, but I'm not getting much milk, thanks to the blood loss and LL isn't cooperating. After 5 days of formula, he's the poster child for nipple confusion... if there is such a thing. I pump and give him what I can.) LL is the spitting image of my brother but I don't believe that he is mine (um, ours.) I still don't.

*Well, that's not entirely true. I didn't have much time to hold LL that wknd. I was too busy dealing with a lovely side effect of giving birth: massive constipation, which was made worse by the 8 million doses of narcotics I'd taken, the complete lack of fiber in the hospital food, and the stem to stern episiotomy. Let's just say that I lived in the shower for two days. By Monday (LL's 1 wk bday), things had reached crisis proportions. I was compacted. I'd tried absolutely everything (home remedies, laxatives, two kinds of enemas, hot drinks, cold drinks, coffee, phosphosoda, etc.) and had lost all sense of modesty. After several frantic calls from my husband to Dr TV, I went back to the hospital, where I had the most barbaric, horrific, excruciating, demoralizing, gross procedure ever.  Without painkillers.  I'll spare you the details but it was waaaaaay worse than childbirth. This is assvice (get it?) worth taking-- I don't give a shit (again, get it?) what the hospital policy is, do not ever let yourself be discharged before you, well, you know---especially if you've been hopped up on painkillers for several days. And take the Colace they give you, of course, but also demand daily doses of Milk of Magnesia (or somesuch) and bring a box of extremely high fiber cereal with you in your hospital bag. Trust me.

Less dramatic, disgusting posts to follow, I promise.

Comments

[Leggy]

Well you cracked me up even if you simultaneously horrified me. My experience was similar (being ripped in half, hours of pushing, blue baby) but if yours was a 8 or 9 in terms of horrid-ness, then mine was more like a 2.

I'm glad you are both alright now. How's his shoulder?

[Dooneybug]

Dude, that sounded absolutely painful!!! Hope you're healing and feeling better now. I remember the horrid constipation. I was so scared to have anybody come over to our house because I would run to the bathroom and this totally primal, uncontrollable, screaming, grunting noise would emit. It was sooooo loud and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The only thing that did eventually get me to "go" was drinking warm prune juice. In my opinion, the colace did squat for me.

My son is also the spitting image of my brother which is very freaky. I look at him and think, "how the hell did that happen?"

Can't wait to hear how things are now that you're getting use to being a new mom!!

[DD]

Finally! An updated! With promises for more!

You rock my world, even without the scary and exciting birth story. Will you ever post a picture? If not, I swear I would keep it under lock and key if you sent me a picture via email...

Congrats, again, MM. Amazing.

[Jenn]

Oh Dear God did they disimpact you? I've had to do that to someone ONE and only one time and I don't know who was more traumatized, me or him. After that I told every doctor nurses weren't allowed to do that.

I really want to hear about the septum and the blood loss. I lost over 2 liters and needed four transfusions but they are blaming it on complications from the last miscarriage, not the septum. Interesting (though scary).

[fisher queen]

Oh my God my heart is still pounding. How terrifying and painful! I'm so glad you all are well now.

[Kath]

Dear MM, that was utterly amazing. My heart is racing too.

I know this is a funny question to ask at this point, but do you have red hair? I'm just asking because a friend of mine went through that awful bleeding during birth too, and when she told us that story, my husband said: "Redheads." It turns out redheads are statistically far more prone to hemorrhages. Don't ask me why.

Anything to believe that is wasn't the scar tissue...

[Jen]

I am so sorry you had such a terrifying experience. I had a very similar experience with the baby blue and not breathing and me bleeding profusely--such a weird, scary combination. So glad you both are okay.

[zhl]

Somehow this post didn't come through on my bloglines and may did I miss something. What a horror! But I am so glad that you and LL are doing well now.

[Simone]

I don't want a baby anymore.....horrific!

Must learn to stop reading birth stories.
Glad bub is safe with you now.

[Lisa]

Wow! That is one of the most dramatic birth stories I've ever heard. I'm so sorry it was so...gory...and scary. And SO SO glad the little one is doing well!

[alexandra/Infertile Gourmet]

Congratulations!!!! How did I miss this? I am so glad things are on there way to normal :) Wow about the birth...and ouch :(

[DD]

I want an update, dammit! I know you're out there.

[beagle]

Oh my god, what a story! I am so glad that it has a happy ending but man oh man that was a lot to endure!

I'm adding my request for a photo o LL!

[kent]

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[Lee]

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