Long time no post, I know.
Just had trouble figuring out what to say. And after reading my last few posts (except for the declaring Jim from the Office and Christian Bale my virtual sex slaves (rarhhhhhh!), I think it's probably a good thing I took some time off. Damn if I didn't sound annoyingly self absorbed and just plain insensitive to what those of you who were/are still in the trenches were/are going through. To what I might be going through again sometime in the very near future. Seriously, I would have unsubscribed from this blog so fast if I were you... So for those of you who're still out there and still even mildly interested in moi... thanks.
So, what can I tell you?
I've been working again full time for the first time since last Oct. It sucks. Not sure I'm going to keep at it as the money I make is about what I'm paying for a nanny.
I need to go shopping. For realsies. I'm going to a party for the first time in I don't know how long and my choices for what to wear are just depressing. I love clothes, hate to shop. This is a problem. My mother has tremendous style, loves to spend money even if it isn't her own. Perhaps I shall give her a project. She's already helped me decorate Casa Limbo. Why not have her dress me, too? What? it's not like I'm an adult or anything. I'm only 32.
I watch too much television. I'd gladly sell Mr L downriver if it meant no harm would come to my precious DVR. And I actually LIKE Mr L. The man can cook. And he's a fucking riot, even if occasionally unintentionally so. But he can't bring me 30 Rock whenever I feel like watching. Oh yeah and for anyone who cares, so many of my IRL friends tell me that Liz Lemon reminds them of me. At first I was all flattered, thinking that they meant I had that quirky yet slyly funny thing down. But then I watched a few more episodes and realized they were probably referring to the fact that Liz Lemon does weird things like eat a P*p Tart she found on the floor of her apt. Yep, I'd totally do that. Except I like to think that I'd wear cooler, more feminine clothes while doing so. Well, if my mom had time to shopping for me, anyway.
LL is about 13 mos old now. He's unbelievably awesome in every way. I've been thinking about trying again since he was about 3 weeks ago. Not because I'm ready for another baby. Quite frankly, I can barely handle the one I have and he's the world's easiest child. But my eggs appear to be crap and he took 3 years. That's a blink of an eye in Infertile Bloglandia, but still. As usual, my body is making things even more complicated as my cycles are averaging at about 90ish days each. I stopped breastfeeding at 3mos pp, so that's not a factor anymore. After I complained of this and near baldness, Dr TV had me tested for thyroid issues. (I cannot believe I had to go back to her for my 1 yr pp checkup. I couldn't even look her in the eye I hate her so much. But I was pleased to see that she'd gained a considerable amount of weight. Cuntbag.) The tests were negative. We both concluded that I'm just not ovulating, which isn't an issue, medically speaking. Sure as fuck is, ttc-speaking, tho. She also tested my fsh, which wasn't horrible-- 8.44. But I'm not even sure that # means anything since it was on a random day in my cycle. So... my options are to return to RE#3 for clomid or IVF just sit here hoping my cycles return to normal on their own so that Mr Limbo and I can do a few au natural cycles only to end up resorting to clomid/IVF anyway. I honestly have no clue what to do. Part of me thinks that I'm so incredibly lucky to have LL that I should just leave well enough alone. That same part of me thinks maybe I just miss the drama of cycling (no I'm serious. I really think it's possible to get addicted to that emotional rush of treatment, even when those emotions feel like they're being dragged over a cheese grater). The other part of me is screaming, wtf are you thinking, that you'll just be able to have another child whenever you feel like it? You clearly had serious issues conceiving, dipshit. Run back into the waiting arms of RE #3 and throw yourself at his mercy! Ok, maybe I took that fantasy a bit too far. But you feel me?
Well, the Chardonnay bottle is right empty and Mr L is calling me to come inspect the work he and his friends have done in our living room. They're installing a hideous flatscreen on an arm. I hate visible television sets, esp. in living rooms. But we don't have the space for a living room and a family room (ahhh, the joys of apartment living) so the only solution was to put the tv in our bookshelves, behind some cabinet doors. I'm scared to see what's become of my living room. But I'm going in. Wish me luck. xoxo
PS to my fellow bloggers who've been too lazy or tounge tied (or is it keyboard tied?) to post . Do it. You know you want it and it feels sooo good. At the very least post your latest news in my comments section. I want to know that you're still kicking.